I was born in 1973 to my parents Pat and Tony and my brother Steve and we lived on a farm in Kingswood Surrey for the first seven years of my life. Those first seven years were idyllic compared to what I would experience later in my life and I remember that time with mostly fond memories.
The time on the farm was magical and I would climb trees, in the hay barn and watched the calves being born as we lived on a dairy farm and just being generally be a tomboy. I was my dads shadow and folowed him around, went on the tractor with him and shooting pheasants and he took us fishing all before the age of health and safety. But things weren’t right with my parents relationship and there were arguements and fighting, but being only seven I really didn’t understand. My father was having an affair with a much younger woman and walked out on his family to be with this woman. I saw him a few times after that but never very often and it always broke my heart as I wanted my family back together. When I was seven and a half we were forced to move from the only place I had known as home as the house we lived in was tied to the jobs of my parents, but with my father gone and my mother no longer needed we had to go.
We moved to a flat in Merstham in Surrey and my mother met my soon to be stepfather and although he seemed nice at the beginning that wasn’t to last. They got married and life took a turn for the worse as my stepfather no longer pretended to be nice and his true nature came out. I still remember vividly the first time he ever hit me like it was yesterday, I was eight and he asked me to go and get his watch from his cheats of drawers upstairs. So I ran up got the watch and ran down again and gave him the watch expecting a thankyou, instead I got a hard slap around the head and him accusing me of snooping through his things. I experienced not just physical but mental and emotional abuse at his hands for many years and when I got too old for hitting the mental and emotional abuse got worse.
Aged ten I met this guy who was fifteen and we started hanging out as I didn’t want to be at home and little did I know that he only wanted one thing from me and it wasn’t friendship. What followed was horrific and something no child should ever experience, sexual abuse. The abuse lasted for about a year but the scars it left me with have lasted a lifetime and run deep and i would say have very much influenced how I see myself as has everything I experienced some more than others.